


The Many Firsts and Lasts of Himemiya Anthy

by shoujokakumei



Category: Shoujo Kakumei Utena | Revolutionary Girl Utena
Genre: Canon typical sexual abuse and incest, F/F, bc yeah, nothing graphic tho!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-10
Updated: 2016-02-10
Packaged: 2018-05-19 15:08:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 7
Words: 1,070
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5971405
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shoujokakumei/pseuds/shoujokakumei
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>For the girl who killed the prince twice over</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Your First and Last Moments

You don’t remember this

You’re not entirely sure you had any.

Your last moment is not in any foreseeable future.

You think.


	2. The First and Last Time You Lost Him

**First**

It was winter, long and cold and hard and it had been three days since you'd seen him last and worry was gnawing a hole in you and when he stumbled in the door wet and half frozen you cried as you used your own bedding to start a fire. He slept for as long as he had been gone and his breathing kept hitching but he was here and you could touch his fevered face and know he was real at least for now and you didn't mind sleeping in the dirt if that was the price you had to pay.

**Last**

You opened the barn doors.


	3. The First and Last Strikes

**First**

Went through your abdomen like butter and you wanted to scream but your lungs wouldn’t work 

~~ witchwitchwitchwitchwitchwitchwitchwitchwitchwitchwitchwitchwitchwitchwitchwitchwitchwitchwitchwitchwitchwitchwitchwitchwitch ~~

and all their eyes were so so hungry and you couldn’t close yours and your throat was closing up 

~~ witchwitchwitchwitchwitchwitchwitchwitchwitchwitchwitchwitchwitchwitchwitchwitchwitchwitchwitchwitchwitchwitchwitchwitchwitch ~~

and you could hear him in there and you envied him

**Last**  


IthurtsithurtsithurtsIthurtsithurtsithurtsIthurtsithurtsithurtsIthurtsithurtsithurtsIthurtsithurtsithurtsIthurt

~~ witchwitchwitchwitchwitchwitchwitchwitchwitchwitchwitchwitchwitchwitchwitchwitchwitchwitchwitchwitchwitchwitchwitchwitchwitch ~~

sithurtsithurtsIthurtsithurtsithurtsIthurtsithurtsithurtsIthurtsithurtsithurtsIthurtsithurtsithurtsIthurtsithu

~~ witchwitchwitchwitchwitchwitchwitchwitchwitchwitchwitchwitchwitchwitchwitchwitchwitchwitchwitchwitchwitchwitchwitchwitchwitch ~~

rtsithurtsIthurtsithurtsithurtsIthurtsithurtsithurtsIthurtsithurtsithurtsIthurtsithurtsithurtsIthurtsithurtsit

****  
  


stopped ?


	4. The First Time He ...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rape Tw, Incest Tw, Emetophobia Tw

**First**

it was hot and heady summer and you hurt that day and he was so angry and your mouth tasted like metal but if it was the swords or blood or bile you couldnt tell all you could feel was that horrible rhythmic _thump thump thump_ and everything hurt worse and you cried while he lied next to you spewing apologies you knew to he didn't mean and even the grass was the same as blades

**Last**

You didn’t blink. He didn’t look at you. It was tradition, by now, that horrible _thump thump thump_. You stood before him, nude and cold and so so dark against the ivory and your eyes hurt like how they had after you cried over him the first time and then _she_ was there and he couldn’t see her and you were so numb all you could do was stare right back.


	5. The First and Last Duel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Body horror tw?

**First**

The men ( _and they are men all of them grown with facial hair and you are in the body of a child but you hurt you hurt so bad but you stand up straight in a dress made of your own blood as they fight over you_ ) stain the grass red in this time before the roses and your brother ( _if you can even call him that_ ) stands next to you and hes so much taller and older than you now even though youre the one who existed before him and the man who won stands stooped and nursing a wound at his side and your brother-notbrother stands and talks about revolution like how he apologized to you last night and you want to scream as you’re ripped from your body and the swords fly again and the man watches silently with hungry eyes and hands your brother-notbrother his soul/sword and he whacks at the newfound door on the ground as the man dies from bleeding out or from his own insides poisoning him you can’t tell because now _they’re going through your eyes_.

**Last**

It all goes as it always and you know the story by this point but _she’s trying to kill him **she’s going to kill him**_ and you don’t know how to react because you’ve wished and prayed for his death so many times but you can’t fathom a word that different so you stab her yourself before the she can ~~ _witchwitchwitchwitchwitchwitchwitchwitchwitchwitchwitchwitchwitchwitchwitchwitchwitchwitchwitchwitchwitchwitchwitchwitchwitch_ ~~


	6. The First And (Two) Last Time(s) You Walked Out of Ohtori

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Emetophobia tw

**First**

it was dark and your throat was bile-blood burning pain and it was one of those nights and you couldnt take it and just this morning he had charmed some doe eyed girl and you wanted to hate her but god you couldnt and you ran over the perimeter and then

~~_ witchwitchwitchwitchwitchwitchwitchwitchwitchwitchwitchwitchwitchwitchwitchwitchwitchwitchwitchwitchwitchwitchwitchwitchwitch _ ~~

**Last**

You hesitate, for a moment, not looking back. Your body trained to think to leave means pain more intense than what you're used to but you're leaving and you'll find her. Chu-chu's nuzzling into your neck and you're here you're real you're solid and whole and broken and happy and sad and giddy all at once and after the first step over the border you _do not stop_

**(Other) Last**

You do not walk out. You _fly_! You are in her and she was all bone and metal but in this world you do not fear metal because the only sword you knew was a painting knife and the sword of your own soul and only she could use it so you break the walls that were breaking her and she's flesh again and your brother falls to rose petals like the ghost he is and her lips are hot against yours and you know you will never have to turn around because anyone who ever truly cared will be following you on the roads you and her carve together


	7. The First and Last Times You Cry Over Her

**First**

It is three days before Revolution and the two of you ate the poison the other made for you and the two of you had spent the last hour holding each others hair back and laughing as your bodies remembered the will to live that neither of you truly had. She's asleep in your shared moon-bed now. The drop is long but maybe it can save her from being entwined in your fate and that would be worth it even if it wouldn't kill you and you apologize to the wind as you let yourself fall

But then there's a warm solidness on your wrist and your body snaps because your feet are still touching the damn ivory marble whatever you don't care all you care about is the way her voice is already hoarse with tears and she pulls you up as you try in vain to let yourself just fall and she's apologizing to you and you don't know how to react because she's split your mantra of being a doll without a heart into more pieces then there are swords in your heart  

**Last**

You are on a train and a little girl is braiding your hair because this is your life now, watching other's children because you need something to do with your hands and children and flowers are basically the same thing and god her eyes are blue that same blue so so blue.

You only cry harder as she kisses the tears from your cheeks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading
> 
> wrote this in about an hour


End file.
